Good morning to all my lovely readers. How was your week? I do hope you found some little pockets of joy and that you are all safe.
Today I write to you from a place of sadness. I’ve been on somewhat of a melancholy journey of late and I’m desperately trying to find a new destination to park my mind. I start the day most mornings laying on my back on a mat on the floor alongside the wall of windows in the living room. I love the way the light makes little furnaces of the rusted leaves on the Little Gem magnolia tree, when it streaks through the sky at a certain angle in the early part of the day. I gaze out as a small and soft yellow butterfly flutters over the garden without a care in the world. There is something quite relaxing about viewing the world from this angle. It’s a moment of calm where I can look out and up and notice so many things I wouldn’t normally fixate upon. I listen carefully as the bird's gentle trill sends little vibrations into the air. My knees are bent and I start to rock from side to side. I do this motion repeatedly as the gentle sway back and forth warms my taut muscles and starts to release some of the tension. There is a certain synergy between the butterfly fluttering its wings to warm its muscles to get off the ground and my rocking motion. Slowly the pain in my lower body and thighs starts to ease up and when I’m done with rocking I stay here for a little bit longer. It’s a moment of polar emotions taking me from a place of comfort to a place where I know that unbearable pain will be borne out again as soon as I rise to my feet. It’s been seven weeks now since that lovely bush walk to Lockey Point through the tangled bushes in the National Park, and it’s been seven weeks since my legs have been unable to withstand the weight of my body. I feel a pain in my butt, literally and this sends my leg into spasms. When I stand it’s unbearable and the discomfort is seismic. I grimace as I motion towards the microwave oven where I warm several bags of wheat and lupin seeds, before I retreat to the side of the bed where I sit and carefully position the warm packs onto the top and bottom of my thigh. Tears start to roll across my cheeks as I stare pensively out the window contemplating another day ahead where I’m not going to be able to move comfortably. I wonder if this is my life now as it’s been so long since I could walk freely. I feel frustrated and sad. I can no longer do any of the things I enjoy like taking long walks, experimenting with new recipes in the kitchen and tending to my garden. I am totally dependent on my significant other for everything and can no longer take pride in my independence. As the day moves along I bathe my aching muscles in pain relief creams and continue to apply heat packs throughout the day.
Every couple of days I pay a visit to a physiotherapist who I hope will be able to find a solution. He places little rubber cups over the back of my torso and they suck onto my skin like molluscs. When they are firmly in place he passes electrical currents which tingle and vibrate through my muscles. I stand again and my legs struggle once more under the weight of my body. It’s unbearable. I wonder how long it will go on for. My significant other reassures me that this too shall pass and I must be patient, but patience is not a virtue I possess when things hurt. I move forward continuing to start each new day rocking from side to side laying on the floor, and praying that one day I will wake up and this nightmare will be over.
Six months have now passed since the death of my younger brother. The sadness I feel is in equal proportions to the love I hold in my heart for him. The tears rolling down my face is love that doesn’t have anywhere else to go. Is he waiting for me, somewhere very near, just around the corner? I want to hold onto him just for a little bit longer. He has the answers I seek to so many unanswered questions. If only he could’ve helped me to understand before he slipped away into the dark of the night. I console myself with rolling conversations in my head. I believe he can hear me. I do hope he can.
With all that is going on down in Melbourne this week, lockdown, curfew and rioting on the streets, an earthquake was thrown into the mix. Yes that’s right Melbourne had an earthquake!!! When it struck, and boy did it strike, I was talking to my sister on the phone. She experienced it first hand and said it was loud, like a sonic boom, like a suburban train was heading towards her at full speed, and then the house started shaking and she thought that the roof was going to cave in. I thought for a moment this was it and my time was up! Maybe it was time for her to reach for a gin or maybe two or three?!
I listened to a podcast Tough Love which documents the life of Linda Marigliano after she quit her job at Triple J and found herself in a long distance relationship unexpectedly after the international borders closed due to Covid. Her experience helped me to reconcile my own feelings of isolation and uncertainty, at the same time as it cheered me.
Having read the book Nine Perfect Strangers by Liane Moriarty I was keen to watch the television series on Amazon Prime. With a stellar cast of actors including Nicole Kidman, Asher Keddie, and Samara Weaving, the story is about nine stressed out city dwellers who visit an upmarket wellness retreat to cure their minds. They have no idea what the formidable retreat curator and manager Masha (played by Kidman) has in store for them. It could turn ugly.
Whilst cooking hasn’t really been on my radar (due to aforementioned problems relating to the pain of standing) my significant other continues to nourish me with fresh food and little surprises. From a place of love, each day he affectionately prepares a salad bowl for my breakfast, filled with a rainbow of colours, starting with a base of green salad leaves or spinach, and rounds out the bowl with white beans, red capsicum, juicy tomatoes, refreshing cucumber slices, creamy avocado, sweet in season strawberries or blueberries, some protein bites of oven roasted wood smoked salmon, eggs, tuna or bacon, and the crunch of walnuts, pepita or sunflower seeds. It really is so delicious and a highlight of my otherwise lacklustre day.
Brekkie salad bowl deliciousness
It was such a beautiful warm Spring evening on Friday we decided to enjoy a casual meal on the terrace. We barbecued some lightly marinated meat served alongside a tasty Crunchy Thai Style Cabbage Salad, dressed with orange and tahini. Another delicious recipe from Sneh at Cook Republic, you can find the recipe here.
Crunchy Thai Style Cabbage Salad
Until next time may your days be both serendipitous and enjoyable.